I usually try to not do it, but today I decided to write my ex-girlfriend a message on Myspace. I don’t really have feelings for her anymore, even though our breakup was a dramatic fireworks show, but every now and then I like to write and see how my life would have been had I not screwed things up.
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It is amazing the amount of meat that comes off a chicken. It is almost like they were created to feed an entire family. They are like large meatballs covered in feathers that roam the hillside. While we are waiting for the meat to fatten, they produce eggs to hold us over, and make breakfast so special. Not to mention cakes, breads, pancakes, panbreads, and all those lovely things that wouldn’t be possible without eggs (shh vegans, I don’t dig the fake eggs).
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Tonight we are having a guy’s night out, and I was curious to see what the guys out there really enjoyed doing once they got a little freedom. Do you still practice the old ‘He Man Woman Hater,’ doctrine? Or have the whippings gone so deep your poker table chit chat has turned into a rumor mill filled with many displays of pussy man blabber about flowers?
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Valentines Day has become a powerful force not to be underestimated. It penetrates every aspect of life, lover or not, and there is no escaping the fact that tomorrow people everywhere are going to be making out and eating candy and fighting and getting candy breath and making out some more.
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Diabetes costs you and me a lot of money. Forget the fact that I will have horrible complications and die early because the cure for my disease didn’t take precedence over the profit potential of keeping me sick and in need of expensive medication. Diabetes takes our standard of living down a notch each and every year, and no one seems to give a shit that they are losing all this money.
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Subject: The rest of my life
From: Your FORMER corporate slave
Date: First day of the rest of my life!
To: FORMER captor (Tom in logistics)
They say that a man can only be so lucky, but I received the most important emails of my life today. Not only am I being personally requested to handle an $80,000,000 inheritance transaction for a cocoa/gold/oil farm widower from Congo, but I have been randomly selected out of over 500,000,000 emails to receive Norway’s biggest lump sum lottery prize of over $75,000,000,000,000. I’M RICH BIOTCH!
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I went and refilled my insulin prescription today and ran into some really stressful news. Since it’s a new year, and prices need to be adjusted for inflation, I would have to pay $81.91 for my one month’s supply of Humalog Insulin Pens, and another $32.50 for my one month supply of Lantus Long Acting insulin.
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Right down the street from our house is a little Shell gas station that I frequent. We live just far enough away from anything else that it is a pain to drive into town and we avoid it if we can. The station is all about convenience and doing as little as possible to get the drink you need so badly.
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Due to the fact that people really don’t care what they are watching on the news as long as it is mindless are causing Journalists everywhere to just give up trying to find the hard biting stories and just report about cute things. Today’s top stories, Cousin’s Save Dog from Ocean, Pet Tigers, and Grandma Saved from Reindeer.
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Denton – Michelle Mashburn, 23, a pirate wrench whore, passed away from studentdom, at the University of North Texas on December 15, 2007. Family surrounded her as she peacefully went with her Lord to a new exciting world of master degrees and careers.
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