Archive for 2006
December 22, 2006 at 5:42 am · Filed under The Jerk (satire)
by:
Mark Garrison
One of our more prestigious interviews that we are very proud to present to you.
(satire disclaimer) Today I sit with with John Horn. One of the worlds most renowned Psychologists. His contributions in the areas of fluid and crystallized intelligence can only be described as truly extraordinary. His wisdom on the subject is simply mind boggling. Possessing several prestigious degrees including a Ph.D. in measurement and personality from the University of Illinois as well as being honored with many awards in his field, he has found his way into history as one of the great minds on human intelligence. Residing in a modest home in San Pedro California, we join Dr. Horn in his office for a good ol’ fashioned game of word association. Surely, the one word answers from such a notable mind will still hold great meaning.
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December 12, 2006 at 9:30 pm · Filed under Empire
by:
Levi Blackman
CricketSoda has always been very proud of our stickers, mainly because we manage to give so many away to our audience. It costs us a little bit of money, but the happiness, memories, and the attractive ladies are well worth the cost.
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September 9, 2006 at 11:55 pm · Filed under The Jerk (satire)
by:
Mark Garrison
Osmosis through sexual contact?
(satire disclaimer) FARMERSVILLE, Pa - Lately, news of Mr. Landis’s drug test results has been front page news. Mr. Landis steadfastly denies the reports that he injected himself with either a natural or artificial form of the hormone ‘testosterone’.
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August 31, 2006 at 11:05 pm · Filed under The Jerk (satire)
by:
Mark Garrison
Fat rolls finnaly have a higher purpose.
(satire disclaimer) Freeman, NY - A recent invention by a group of New York scientists is giving hope to the entire world that both our dependence on fossil fuels and hatred of fat people will soon be a thing of the past. The Automational Waveroll Friction Generator developed by the New York Academy of Sciences uses the heat generated by the friction of obese people’s thighs rubbing together to create a relatively clean form of energy.
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August 27, 2006 at 11:01 pm · Filed under The Jerk (satire)
by:
Mark Garrison
Watch you mouth!
(satire disclaimer) With all the fuss over Mr. Bush being heard saying the word SHIT, I got to thinking. There must have been many other times when famous, important, well known people were picked up conversing on microphones they had no idea were on. So I did a little research. What I found was shocking. Looking through various news agency archives, I located several conversations that were picked up by microphones which were not suppose to be on. I have taken the liberty of transcribing some of them for you. Here is one of them.
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August 24, 2006 at 10:50 pm · Filed under The Jerk (satire)
by:
Levi Blackman
Solution sought out after many painful mornings
(satire disclaimer) After a long cold night of tequila shooters the brain of Micheal Kit concluded after a month long study that tequila was “not as fun” as it used to be, and now “kinda sucked.” It appears as if the morning hangovers have gotten to the point where the drunken stupor and random babbling the night before isn’t worth the pain of the next day.
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August 8, 2006 at 3:34 pm · Filed under Affairs, Food / Cooking
by:
Mark Garrison
Now I’ve had some strange things happen to me at restaurants before but this was simply unforgivable.
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July 7, 2006 at 9:57 pm · Filed under The Jerk (satire)
by:
Mark Garrison
Gigantic stone babies expected soon
(satire disclaimer)In a shocking, last minute development, the U.S. National Park Service announced that the Statue of Liberty would marry the Brazilian “Christ the Redeemer” statue in a private ceremony. The marriage is said to forever commemorate the connection between warm blooded Patriotic Americans and their Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
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July 7, 2006 at 6:10 pm · Filed under Affairs, Society
by:
Levi Blackman
In accident time where there are no accidents, You have no choice, the choice comes after.
| This insightful play will be presented by Art Six Coffee House on their backyard stage July 27, 28, and 29 at 9pm. Admission is $3 for students and $5 for Adults. Mature Topics. |
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July 4, 2006 at 6:07 pm · Filed under Affairs, Society
by:
Levi Blackman
So get up off the damn computer!
It is time to celebrate our independence because today the laws are slightly lax and blowing up things is accepted, even if just for a moment.
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