The Upholsterer
Captain Ennui
Pretty Good Man
Thick Neck (more…)

So you look like Jerry Lewis when he was on drugs and you want to be able to actually see your own cock again. You probably don’t give a shit but your woman is getting sick of having to hold your stomach up when she gives you a blow job and her lower back hurts from your flab laying on it when you do doggy style. Yeah, I’d say it’s time to lose some weight. (more…)

In a strange turn of events, Innocent Pedestrian, a CricketSoda employee for over 4 years quit his job and fled the country. Blaming a few unfortunate Monopoly events (see “All Railroads Owned, Humanity Fucked”) Pedestrian cited “The world will end soon, so screw this blow ass job!” and stormed down the sand path of our secret playground meeting spot. (more…)

In a stunning turn of events, all Railroads have been bought and/or traded by the evil Galactic Pirate Squad Crew of The Third Dimention Jr. Unless the Ultilities can come back with competitive prices and high rollers, it looks like game over for mankind. (more…)

What do you get when you give a bunch of college students tall bikes and long sticks with a boar head stuck on the end? You get one hell of a party event, and we have pictures to prove that it went down. (more…)

CONGRATULATIONS & BOXCAR BANDITS
Friday, May 25
Texas Jive
1206 W. Hickory
Denton, TX
18+/$3($5)
10pm-2am
BOXCAR BANDITS at 10pm
CONGRATULATIONS at MIDNITE (more…)

I found out yesterday that Myspace has it’s own Myspace editor, and all the plans I had to take over that market are worthless because in about six months the market won’t even exist anymore. People will forget the term Myspace Editor, and CricketSoda’s Myspace Editor, which is our most popular attraction. (sadly)
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Since her recent run in with a shaver, Spears has been crowned “queen of the balding” by many media outlets and America in general. Even popular news sources have started using her picture as a stock image for any news story having to do with bald men, the cures for balding, and shiny heads.
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In what many are saying is a “dream come true,” a Bush Resignation Speech hit many Bit Torrent download websites, sparking rumors of a new era without Bushisms. CricketSoda now presents that speech in its entirety.

“Good morning. I know it’s a bit unusual for an early morning oval office show but I really wanted to get this going. I have spoken to you several times from this office where so many decisions have been made that effect the universe. Every time I talk to you folks, it’s for a very important reason. This afternoon, um, evening, uh, morning is no different. (more…)

I have played many a game like this, and have mastered the art of throwing (or in this case, kicking) virtual objects. This game reminds me of the classic Caveman Olympics, one of my favorites from the era. (more…)

Everyone claims that they think school age children shouldn’t be shot to death. Most people feel that Scarface era automatic weapons with grenade launchers don’t set a good example for school children. But not everyone agrees with new legislation that recently passed both the House and the Senate that will replace these items with flower shooting slingshots. (more…)

I really must say I am sorry. If you didn’t notice, CricketSoda was down for almost a month. I had some issued with my domain name company, but not all is resolved and the party can get back to normal. To make up for the long spell of dry thirst, I am making big plans for the CricketSoda empire. (more…)