With the advent of YouTube, the death of MTV and other “music video” type mediums are a sure bet. Now, instead of having to watch several horrible mainstream bull hockey videos, you can find only the best and exactly what you want to watch. All you really need is a friend to suggest something for you to check out, and that is where I come in. (more…)
The small town of Myguire is known for its beautiful dog park that boasts over 100 acres in which your dog can truly be free. On a Sunday afternoon you can find hundreds of dogs running and playing, sniffing as many butts as possible. One thing you won’t find at this dog park though, is rabies tags.
This is because, according the local residents, the only veterinarian clinic in town is right next to the new all you can eat BBQ Buffet Royal, and recently a few pets have gone missing, making pet owners scare to take their loving Fefe in for his check up. (more…)
If you can make it through the wild lingo of this order (didn’t the presidents used to say things with a hint of power and romance?) you might just need to throw up. Maybe it is time to instead of having a president, we all vote online and make the laws our own damn selves. (more…)
I just read this on WikiNews. It came out almost a year ago, but I still think it is worth everyone reading if you missed it the first time around. Makes you really wonder what the country is coming to. I mean, I am almost afraid to post this and risk having my assets frozen.
I love the FBI! (more…)
I have yet to go, but rumor has it they have three Stripper polls just waiting for the drunk college girls to use, and it is called UR MOMS. Plus, and this is the best part, this weekend Congratulations will be playing the Norml Summer Festival at UR MOMS. Gaah(n) said it best. (more…)
Sorry for the downtime the past few days. We have been having some problems with spam, and when the bots all attack at once, it puts a lot of strain on our servers. Have no fear, we are back in business, and working hard to make sure nothing like that happens ever again.
Of course, I have said something like that before, and we just don’t live in a world like that. Shit hits the fan often, and we will just have to deal with it. This time though, we are bringing shovels.
If anyone in the outside world reads this please know that I am currently addicted to a video game called Command and Conquer 3. For some reason I am bomb at this game, and I win every time. I can’t seem to stop playing for more than an hour to eat and shower. With the advent of online multiplayer games, the number of people I can destroy while sitting in my PJ’s is uncountable to the point I can play all day long and never face the same two people. (more…)
Many guys out there are wondering how they can turn their girlfriends (or wives) into sluts or whores without pissing them off and making them leave you for your better looking, church going best friend. Here are five surefire ways to accomplish this. (more…)
CricketSoda is proud to announce a new feature on our website. (more…)
I was searching for inspiration today, ok, so I was sitting on the toilet talking to myself since I didn’t have a magazine. Regardless of what I was doing at the time, something happened to me. I saw an image of Pat Sajak in one of the tiles on my bathroom floor. And this was no average Pat Sajak sighting either, he had his mouth partially open as if he wanted to speak to me. I quickly stopped talking to my penis and stared at Pat. I made sure the door was locked so that Pat and I would not be disturbed should he choose to start a conversation. Sure enough, right before I stood up to wash my hands, Pat spoke. (more…)
A recent trip to the airport sat me right in a mess of a certain type of people that I don’t run into very often. As soon as I stepped into the threshold of the airport I was surrounded by them, crazy people walking around talking to themselves. They appeared to be having full conversations, hand gestures and all. Even at the counter these people continued to talk to thin air, getting bad looks from the airline ticket agent. (more…)
Lately I’ve been running into a bit of a slump with my writing. I’m not sure if it’s the all night hooker fests I’ve been having or the all day Vicodin feasts that I enjoy along with my amazing pet hermit crabs. Whatever it is, I need to learn to focus. In order to help me get on track, I have enlisted the help of some writing exercises. Normally I would think these things are bullshit, however, my very first lesson produced one of the most amazing literary works in modern history. Wait, no, THE most amazing literary work in history, period.
The Assignment:
“You’ve finally snapped. Stress has gotten the better of you, and you can no longer think in long descriptive sentences. Write about the day you lost your mind, using sentences comprised of six words or fewer.” (more…)
Two nights and so much action. If you are not blowing stuff up your have no excuse to not be there.
With one of the greatest announcements to hit Denton in several days, local rock group Congratulations will offer a VIP seat a few inches away from Keyboardist Gaah(n)’s ballsack. (more…)
CricketSoda has once again switched locations, this time to a new VIP only secret location that will only be giving out to people on the “list.†CricketSoda officials say this new list will keep things a little nicer, and will give the truly dedicated a much better HQ. (more…)
Olive felt terrible for what she had done. It was just that the motorcycle was going so fast, faster than Olive could react behind the wheel of her red Chrysler LeBaron. The accident wasn’t severe, he had just skidded off his bike. He had lots of bumps, scrapes, and bruises though, so the motorcyclist, a young academic named Shane Denton, was taken to the hospital for observation. He might have fractured a foot. It was Olive’s fault and so she went to visit him to try and make amends. (more…)
It was like any other May 23rd, until the fucking roof blew off a small pizza place downtown. You would not believe how many girls took off their shirts! The street was covered in Pizza for hours as emergency crews scrambled to contain the crowed growing on the streets. Hungry people everywhere got the meal of their lives, all thanks to one amazing band called Fatty Poindexter. (more…)
Help the little hamster escape from the sewer and take him as high as you can. Don’t forget to collect the bonuses and power-ups! Then remember that you life is boring, and sucks, and start a revolution! (more…)
Gerald didn’t have a lot of money but he had a lot of love for Angelica and so he wanted to show each and every day how much he loved her. It started with little notes that he placed on her windshield as he left for work at the hardware store across town. They were simple little notes saying things like, “You mean the world to me,†and “You make me so happy,†and, a direct life from that Jerry Maguire movie, “You complete me.†Angelica thought it charming to see those little notes on her car. She kept them in a shoebox. (more…)
wontonsoup666: cristians are supposed to love, but being a gay is against our religion. We dont have to be loving either, we just need to try to be nice to most people, but i personaly hate gay people. I swear to god, if i ever go to prison im going to do everything i can to take a shower as little as i can.
Brandon is getting old, and soon, his mind will fail him. Music though, can save us all, and for Brandon’s longevity’s sake, I wrote him a little birthday diddy. (more…)
Today CricketSoda takes a moment to celebrate the Accordion. Why you ask? Just watch and find out. (more…)
Brad was severely retarded but he could melt lead with fiery laser beams that shot out of his eyes. He was called Fire Wheels because he was in a wheelchair. He was pretty limited to what he could do because he was retarded but he could melt lead. LEAD! (more…)
Before Orange County auto repair shop owner Brandi Hertmen was sentenced to one year in a state prison on Monday for scamming clients, she told a judge that she’s really not that scheming cracker ass bitch that her victims make her out to be. (more…)
Spring is about to end, but that doesn’t mean we can’t still have our lady bug mating fun time! CricketSoda is proud to present, a game from AddictingGames and SplashWorks.com, the Lady Bug Mating Game. Use your arrow keys in this Dance Dance Revolution type flash game. (more…)
The Upholsterer
Captain Ennui
Pretty Good Man
Thick Neck (more…)
So you look like Jerry Lewis when he was on drugs and you want to be able to actually see your own cock again. You probably don’t give a shit but your woman is getting sick of having to hold your stomach up when she gives you a blow job and her lower back hurts from your flab laying on it when you do doggy style. Yeah, I’d say it’s time to lose some weight. (more…)
In a strange turn of events, Innocent Pedestrian, a CricketSoda employee for over 4 years quit his job and fled the country. Blaming a few unfortunate Monopoly events (see “All Railroads Owned, Humanity Fuckedâ€) Pedestrian cited “The world will end soon, so screw this blow ass job!†and stormed down the sand path of our secret playground meeting spot. (more…)
In a stunning turn of events, all Railroads have been bought and/or traded by the evil Galactic Pirate Squad Crew of The Third Dimention Jr. Unless the Ultilities can come back with competitive prices and high rollers, it looks like game over for mankind. (more…)
What do you get when you give a bunch of college students tall bikes and long sticks with a boar head stuck on the end? You get one hell of a party event, and we have pictures to prove that it went down. (more…)
CONGRATULATIONS & BOXCAR BANDITS
Friday, May 25
Texas Jive
1206 W. Hickory
Denton, TX
18+/$3($5)
10pm-2am
BOXCAR BANDITS at 10pm
CONGRATULATIONS at MIDNITE (more…)
I found out yesterday that Myspace has it’s own Myspace editor, and all the plans I had to take over that market are worthless because in about six months the market won’t even exist anymore. People will forget the term Myspace Editor, and CricketSoda’s Myspace Editor, which is our most popular attraction. (sadly)
(more…)
Since her recent run in with a shaver, Spears has been crowned “queen of the balding†by many media outlets and America in general. Even popular news sources have started using her picture as a stock image for any news story having to do with bald men, the cures for balding, and shiny heads.
(more…)
In what many are saying is a “dream come true,” a Bush Resignation Speech hit many Bit Torrent download websites, sparking rumors of a new era without Bushisms. CricketSoda now presents that speech in its entirety.
“Good morning. I know it’s a bit unusual for an early morning oval office show but I really wanted to get this going. I have spoken to you several times from this office where so many decisions have been made that effect the universe. Every time I talk to you folks, it’s for a very important reason. This afternoon, um, evening, uh, morning is no different. (more…)
Everyone claims that they think school age children shouldn’t be shot to death. Most people feel that Scarface era automatic weapons with grenade launchers don’t set a good example for school children. But not everyone agrees with new legislation that recently passed both the House and the Senate that will replace these items with flower shooting slingshots. (more…)
I really must say I am sorry. If you didn’t notice, CricketSoda was down for almost a month. I had some issued with my domain name company, but not all is resolved and the party can get back to normal. To make up for the long spell of dry thirst, I am making big plans for the CricketSoda empire. (more…)
I didn’t do much with my Easter this year. Things have been stressful and I really just wanted to relax on this cooler than usual April sunday. So, I found some videos on Youtube, and I thought you would all enjoy a looksie. (more…)
Due to an unexpected snow storm hitting parts of the south now trying to celebrate Easter, Christ’s resurrection has been delayed due to the unholy winter like conditions. Apparently the Christ Creator busted a lube tube and will take a few days to fix. (more…)
Tonight CricketSoda will be out at Hailey’s with our own little booth set up. This is your chance to get free stickers, and get your face and artwork on CricketSoda! Please come out and give us your support. (more…)
You know, I have been working on this website for so long, and no one seems to care. No one reads this shit anymore, and I never get any compliments from the ladies. Well, I tell you know, my time has come, and I will no longer be that CricketSoda loser guy. I have decided to sell CricketSoda for $1.6 million dollars to the eBay company. (more…)
There is a distinct charm and allure when you read the words of a writer who loves his subject. Author Craig Fenton adores his. Here is the most comprehensive and definitive work you’ll ever want to read on the classic San Francisco Summer of Love band, Jefferson Airplane. (more…)
I know that somewhere far from here exists a place without this constant fear of losing the ground under my feet, and that is my hope in writing this message. (more…)
