Alaska – His friends pleaded with him, begging him not to eat the jam. They told him it would make him sick and that it had been sitting in the sun on the back porch for 6 years. The strawberry jam inside the jar had faded from the bright red of its prime to a faded pink.

Robert Greggerson didn’t listen, and made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. That sandwich would change his life forever.

“When he took that first big bite into that wretched sandwich my stomach turned,” Greggerson’s close friend Sammy Easton said. “I knew he was in for some tough times ahead. Food poisoning is a serious thing. I remember one time I ate a bad burger from the place up the street. The only thing coming out of my ass that next week was a burning soup.”

Less than an hour after Greggerson had eaten the sandwich, he started to complain of stomach pains. He told his friends about the pain.

A picture of Alaska, May 1995

“I told him it was his own fault,” Bolo Flakins, another close friend, said. “And I told him that it takes a little while for the sickness to set in. If he was going to get food poisoning he would get it for a while yet.”

Flakins was wrong and within thirty minutes Greggerson was throwing up PB and J all over his new leather sofa.

“It was so gross,” his girlfriend TiffTiff said. “I would so no kiss him for 3 days after. I made him brush his teeth 10 times at least and was out his mouth. I told him that he really needed to watch what he ate because I am not going to stick around with a guy who is throwing up all the time. I was just kidding though, I think.”

His friends rushed him to the local hospital, and after a full cavity search the doctor declared it official. He has food poisoning.

“They gave me some antibiotics and told me to drink plenty of fluids and rest.” Greggerson said. “They told me I was really luck it wasn’t Mexican food. They said they would have had to pump my stomach if it was full of rotten Mexican food.”

Since then Greggerson has made a full recovery and pretends to live a happy fulfilling life just as he had done before the poisoning. He now lives in Peppy Square, Alaska and has two dogs. He works at the Pizza Den downtown and sells software on the side.

		Save This Page