Father of Two Claims Lap Top Caused His Offspring to be Strange

Local man Johnny Thunder Gonzolohoes is trying to spread the word about the dangers of lap top computers. He sits on the corner of the street waiting for people to come by so he can hand them a flyer outlining the dangers of lap top computers. He is motivated by one purpose.

“You know, I used a lap top my whole life. My first computer was a laptop, and it caused all that heat on my crotch man,” Gonzolohoes said. “It messed up my two little kids man. I don’t know what happened, but those kids are crazy. They don’t talk much or nothing, and if I let them, they would just play violent video games all day. I don’t know man, something’s wrong.”

So Gonzolohoes set out on a mission.

“I am going to tell everyone about the dangers man,” Gonzolohoes said. “Those laptops get real hot and stuff, and they can really mess up your junk and stuff.”

A study released in the Journal of Human Reproduction showed that increased heat in the scrotal area created by laptops may cause problems in the reproductive organs. The study showed that the surface temperature of laptops can increase to over 100 degrees F. Gonzolohoes said that he thinks this high heat messed up his kids.

“I don’t know man, I didn’t have any problems having the kids,” Gonzolohoes said. “They come real easy you know, with me and my lady friend. But they were messed up for sure man. I will never use a laptop again. In fact, since then, I decided that the computer wasn’t for me, and now I am into playing the drums man.”

The flyers Gonzolohoes passed out contained warnings about laptops, and stated that music is much cooler and can improve lives. At the bottom printed in large bold lettering are the words, “Don’t Mess With Laptops Man!”

The Flyer

One recipient of the flyer had a few words to add.

“I didn’t even read it really. I can smell the stench of refer on him a mile away, and I just don’t trust those people,” average white American citizen said. “What if he was trying to sell me something?”

A local computer retailer heard about his efforts to promote computer safety, and donated a laptop to his family to help them organize and coordinate their efforts.

Gonzolohoes also has a few plans for the future.

“I don’t know man, I mean it seems like I am getting a lot of attention man. I could start something big,” Gonzolohoes said. “I always wanted like a bike shop or something. Maybe I could open a garage and make people’s cars all rad and shit for a living.”

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