And Laugh All The Way To The Bank

(satire disclaimer) “All need is dark; Pretty front.”

When I spoke to Diego Salazar for the first time, he wasn’t much of a talker, but I could tell before we even sat down in his doghouse that he was holding out on me- hiding the special secrets to living lavishly.

After 10 minutes of sitting with Diego, and him realizing that I wasn’t going to get out of his home until he could tell me to do so in English, he opened up and lost the “help me I’m an innocent poor immigrant” facade.

After deciding he would like to steal a better life, and rejecting the very tempting smuggling business of Chihuahua, he made foot for America.

“I walk to America. Truck no good. I sayed hello for man to borders. He ask for pass.”

Diego enthralled me with his story. Alright so I’m lying. In fact it was incredibly boring trying to hear him speak English, until he started speaking the language of money.

“What does that mean Diego?”

“I say I had no pass. Man laugh and say ‘welcome to Americas. Have taxpayer dollar. Handed me big stack of dollar.”

“So that’s it? You were rich?”

“Yes”

Diego expressed that his situation was not usual though.

“Usually we get more dollar.”

While smashing vehicles just two houses down the street, Justin Traba, self proclaimed Anti-God and Leader of the Anarchist Civil Peace Movement overheard our conversation.

After threatening to sue me if I used the word “the” in a ’seemingly or subliminally derogatory manner’ I explained the situation.

“I think it’s great really. Immigrants are taking on the responsibility to make this nation better. Frankly, Americans aren’t destroying the country fast enough and and we’ll never achieve peace or civility at the rate we are going.” Traba said.

I later found that Justin Traba did indeed press charges on me for ‘looking too much like a Christian,” but where I’m going that won’t stop me.

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