(satire disclaimer) Parading your children in front of video cameras has always been fun (Hell, look at the popularity of YouTube), but it has never been so lucrative! After taping a three minute introduction, filling out a tedious 20 page application, and basically signing away the life and soul of your child they too can be a part of the adventure known as KidNation!

40 children, ranging in ages from 8-15, were bused to the remote location of Bonanza City, New Mexico to attend a glorified camp out. The catch? Oh the kids just have to learn how to cook, clean, and generally care for themselves without any kind of adult supervision all while trying to brave the desolation of the New Mexico desert during the winter time. Not to mention a variety of any number of dangerous bugs that may decide to take residence in the old decrepit ghost town, especially if the kids don’t learn to clean up after themselves. The kids are receiving $5,000 for the show and the chance to win one of several gold stars worth $20,000.

“We here at CBS view it as a win-win situation!” said the shows producer. “Not only do the kids learn to appreciate the work their parents do, but their parents get some much needed time away from their kids and vice versa.”

When I questioned him on the possibility of serious injury or death, he thought long and hard before answering, “Legally CBS can’t be held responsible. All the necessary waivers have been signed by the kids’ parents, but you have to assume that the parents won’t mind too much being that they took the first opportunity to unload their kids on us.”

Immediately regretting the “Accidental Injury or Death” waiver I signed prior to the interview, I pretended to sip at the tea he had provided me and quickly dismissed myself from his office. A black van followed me all the way back to my office and I was very grateful I had decided not to drink the tea and find myself on the evening news!

KidNation premiered on Wednesday night and I tuned it to watch 40 kids whine, fight, and complain. The highlight of the show was when 15 year old Greg comes dangerously close to pummeling a kid 4 years younger. Entertainment at its finest!

“Too bad it can only last one season,” The same CBS executive told my over a new phone interview after I repeatedly declined another trip to his office. When asked why that was he informed me, “Well the problems started when we tried to teach the kids how to hunt. 40 gun toting kids seemed like a good idea at the time, that is until they revolted against the show and sent most of our staff running for the hills! They still have the camera men hostage and are demanding ransom. In hind sight we shouldn’t have cast so many boy scouts. Their knots are just too good to give our camera men the chance of escape they need. Oh well, we’ll just have to hire some new ones I suppose. Camera men that is, not kids. We’ve learned our lesson.”

In other news today Bonanza City, New Mexico has declared itself a country and has seceded from the union.

President Bush’s response was, “We’re gonna smoke ‘em out!”

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