(satire disclaimer) : Lawmakers plan to announce a new form of justice this week; a coin with a image of death on one side, and prosperity on the other. This coin is to replace the current legal system and it set to save millions in court costs, at the same time speeding up the justice process giving the accused a much quicker trial than before.

Supporters of the new coin say that the justice system isn’t working the way it was originally set up to, and basically we are pretty much flipping a coin anyways when it comes to someone being innocent or not.

“We really don’t have any solid way to prove that someone is innocent or guilty. Sure, we say you are innocent until proven guilty, but what if you really are guilty and no one saw you do it?” lawyer Jamie Brown told reporters last Saturday. “With the new coin method, we can quickly determine what the punishment should be and if you should be punished. Its really fault free, and any false convictions will be on God’s plate, and not the justice system. This will really keep us from getting in trouble with the whole wrongful convictions thing.”

The new law came about after many death row inmates complained of unfair trials. Judge Hathaway Jr. the Third came up with a solution.

“You think you got an unfair trial?” Hathaway said at a hearing. “I will show you an unfair trial.”

Then the judge started flipping a coin. “Death, death, death, free to go, death, death, free to go, death, death.”

Surprisingly DNA test results came back to show that the coin flipping was amazingly accurate, and only missed one sentence, letting one man go who went on to kill four more people at a local retirement home.

Local business owner Robby Mclune said he supported the new law.

“Well, if you don’t want to have to go through something like that then I suggest you don’t go off and get yourself mixed up in that kind of stuff,” Mclune said.

Well said Robby, well said.