In a brave and daring attempt to save all man kind, local dog Barnacle Von Barn Dog saved all six billion, six hundred ninety seven million people, except for one baby left in a burning building by a neglectful mother.

The dog would have had the respect and gratitude of all people, but the pictures of the burnt baby burned in people’s minds. Instead of a parade, the dog received dirty looks and that thing where people look at the ground and shake their heads.

“That baby man! The pictures. I mean, I am glade to be alive thanks to the dog and all, but you know, after seein’ that picture I’d rather be dead.,” one single male said in a mini mall in south Texas. “And my telephone line been down for three weeks. I gots my momma to talk too, and I can’t play no damn online bingo with this shit. Man, fuck that dog!”

The dog isn’t taking phone calls, but in a release sent out by his agent, he seemed upset about the public shunning.

“That baby was on the other side of town,” Von Barn Dog’s release stated. “I only have four legs, what the fuck do you want me to do.

Because of all the hate mail and telephone calls, Barn Dog says now, when the world is in trouble, the dog will not have his day.

“You bitches lucky to be alive. Man, if I didn’t save your ass right now you would have been bacon bits puto! So next time you go threaten aliens and getting them to attack the world and you need someone like me to set us up the bomb and then get upset when the baby dies because of the burning wreckage go fine some other sap.” Barn Dog said. “I mean, I saved the people from all the other fires, and I stopped the aliens, and I even saved that one boys ice cream from the hot concrete. What the fuck more do you little douchi want from me!”

The mother and father of the baby were at the scene of the fire.

“My baby!” the mother said.

The father said that this tragedy is going to change their plans.

“Told that bitch not to leave no baby inside. She said something about hot door knobs and smoke. I about slapped the bitch.” The father said. “Now I’m gonna kick that dog and go find me a new wife willing to protect the damn baby. Shit fool, I gotta work. Need my baby safe.”

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