Due to an unexpected snow storm hitting parts of the south now trying to celebrate Easter, Christ’s resurrection has been delayed due to the unholy winter like conditions. Apparently the Christ Creator busted a lube tube and will take a few days to fix.

The tube was made of a soft rubber, and because of the hot/cold friction of the prior few days, a large crack formed and a new tube had to be ordered.

“I’m not really in control of the weather anymore.” Jesus said at a press conference. “And I have always hated the snow and cold. Jesus is a fragile man, who could be hurt if he had to make the long trip. There is no way in hell I would be resurrected without the use of a lube tube. Don’t worry boo boo, and stop asking so many fucking questions. Peace!”

Many people, excited that this time of year has come around, are now upset that the Christ will not make an appearance to taste and critique endless casserole and lasagna. Thousands of dishes are now pointless, and trashcans all over the place are filled to the brim.

Churches are worried about the extra cost of the Easter that went wrong. Utility companies charge extra for excess waste, and with all the left overs meant for Jesus’ mouth, dumpsters are overflowing.

“Collection plates are now going to have to be passed around more often.” Head Priest Skiddy McSlay said. “We are looking at getting some new plates that can actually make you feel bad for not giving. They are the latest in giving technology, and although some people think it is cruel, we believe this will give us the extra funds to prepare for the next resurrection.”

To help pull attention away from the absence of Jesus, churches are passing out a video called “Where Easter Eggs Come From,” featuring Burry the Bunny and Cockeye the Chicken.

<- How Easter Eggs are Made Summed Up in A Thousand Words

“We believe the new video is a great success to our goals as a faithful church.” McSlay said.

The resurrection has been put off for a week, and if the weather doesn’t act up again, he should be making his appearance on dirty rags and potato chips everywhere.

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