Publisher of children books goes for the vulgar sells

(satire disclaimer) Houston, TX - In a shocking revelation to parents everywhere, yet another interactive Elmo book has been found to contain questionable phrases and questions.

It all started as a normal day for Jennifer Morrales and her 3 year old daughter. They headed out to their local Toys R Us to spend the remainder of a holiday gift card they had received from a relative. As they browsed the isles, Jennifer’s daughter Angel’s eyes locked onto a flashy, fun looking Elmo book on the shelf. Little did they know this book would cause more hell to this wonderful family than anyone could have imagined. After they paid for the book, Jennifer’s daughter asked to play with the book on the way home. What her mother heard a short time later was nothing less than horrific.

“I heard the guitar sounds from the book and thought nothing of it” says Jennifer. “Then I heard Elmo say, Ha Ha, rock stars get more head!” Jennifer couldn’t believe her ears. She says that she immediately pulled the car over and reached into the back seat for the book. She pushed the second button as directed to in the story and there it was again, “Ha ha, rock stars get more head!”

Jennifer quickly drove home and showed her husband the book. “He couldn’t believe it either” says Jennifer, “He grabbed our daughter and covered her ears to ensure she would not hear any more of this filth”. Jennifer’s husband David told us, “This is sick, just plain sick, who in their right mind would put something like this in a children’s book?” Cricket reporter Mark Garrison asked to see the book for himself and he too heard the offensive phrase.

But the true surprise of this book was still yet to be discovered. Mark Garrison took the book and pushed the other buttons and his jaw simply dropped. In addition to the first shocking phrase, Elmo can also be heard asking, “Hee hee, wanna lick my fur?” and letting the world know, “Ha ha, rock stars eat more &*%$^%”.

We contacted Sesame Street Books for their comment on this latest twist on their products and they issued the following statement,

“We here at Sesame Street Books would like to take this time to let everyone know that this is all a huge misunderstanding. Our products have never, and will never contain offensive material. The phrase in which Elmo is misunderstood to be referring to fellatio is actually Elmo saying, “Ha ha, rock stars need to go to bed” and the other offensive phrase misunderstood as “wanna lick my fur?” is actually Elmo asking, “Hee hee, can you play a guitar?” There was obviously some form of compression problems when the actual recordings were transferred into a digital format. We would like our customers to simply return the books to their local place of purchase or contact us at 1-800-595-8484 for replacement instructions.”

We asked Sesame Street spokesman Steven Rodriguez about the “eat more &*%$^%” comment that Elmo is also heard to be saying and we were told, “Oh yeah, now that one really does say that, sorry everyone.” Only time will tell what other weird phrases the books put out by this publisher will possess.