(satire disclaimer) A new product hit selves last week and the public response has been amazing. Hamster Nuggets are all the rage, and future product expansion plans are working to ensure the “hamster as a food,” trend continues.

Greg Meoffin, CEO for Small Furry Nugget Corp. highlighted the good aspects of Hamster nuggets at a conference late last Thursday.

“We can produce as many hamsters as we need, and for a price that is amazing. These savings are then passed down to the consumer.” Meoffin said. “Another positive aspect of the product we offer is we are able to stuff the hamster’s cheeks with nutritional diamonds. A hamster’s mouth can hold 4 baby carrots, cheetoes, and many other things that ad flavor and nutrition before we throw the little guys into the fryer.”

Hamster advocates claim the new nuggets are unconstitutional and constitute cruelty to animals. They are fighting for new laws that would ban the sale and production of the hamster nuggets.

“These hamsters didn’t do anything to deserve to be eaten. People need to realize that the amount of meat a hamster provides is very little and for each box of nuggets an entire generation of hamsters that could have provided many great things to society is lost to the hunger of the large population of fat Americans.”

Hamster nugget advocates on the other hand point to hamster overpopulation, the higher nutritional value of hamster over hamburger, and the fact that god says you can eat hamster in the bible.

“It is our rights as god loving individuals to eat whatever we want except nasty things like bugs and stuff.” Ralf, head director of the Food not Life Directive said. “Leave us alone, we want to eat! Do no deny us our god given right to feed our children healthy economy friendly food.”

The Congress of New Wire will meet next week to discuss the issue.

Some employees of Small Furry Nugget Corp. say they enjoy the great job with amazing benefits, but the hamsters are treated unfairly. Others say the hamsters deserve what they get and they are the creatures of the devil.

“I really enjoy the working and all that since before I didn’t have a job for eight months.” Worker Joe said. “I kinda feel like I sold out though, and the little faces of all those darn hamsters haunts my dreams at night.”

Pineapple Stuffed, Turkey Surprise, and Chocolate Swirl Hamster Nuggets are available at your local grocery store.

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