Everyone Loses When It Comes to Burgers
In a sad display of weakness, everyone failed to finish the burger, and went home sick
By: Levi Blackman : In a horrible upsetting defeat, everyone who participated in the Super Hamburger Eating Contest failed to finish the entire burger. Turns out, three pounds of meat and two pounds of bun are too much for the average human body to handle. The upside is that the local economy was stimulated by a sharp increase in meat sales.

Our pre burger wieght: Ryan 243.4 Levi 138.0

Levi Blackman took the slow but sure approach, chewing every bite, try to digest as much as possible to make room.

The making of the SUPER BURGER

“I chewed each bit as much as I could before I swallowed.” Blackman said. “Even so, I still felt pretty ill about halfway through. Each chew became so painful and sickening. I couldn’t handle the pressure, literally.”

Big Time Bob's employees watched as the competitors tried their best to devour the mammoth burger. They kept checking up on their big burger guests, making sure everything was going alright, and that they wouldn't be sick inside the restaurant.

The burgers were good, and all competitors had a look of satisfaction as the contest started.

The Eating Begins!

“The problem is the bun; it’s more like a thick biscuit. It filled me up pretty fast,” Ryan Stuck, another competitor commented. “Oh man.”

Trials and Tribulations

Most of the contestants took the rest of the day off to recover, lying around not moving much. Many complained of chest pains, but doctors later dismissed the worry saying that gas was to blame, and that no real damage had been done to any of the contestants.

Our stomachs had growing pains

Rumors around campus say that next week, another challenge will be brought to the table.

After wieght: Levi 139.8 Ryan 476.4

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