Faithful man John Mcrobertson, who asked not to be identified because of the embarrassment, accidentally crapped his pants Sunday morning while teaching a lesson to the 15 – 18 year old male class. According to witnesses, he started yelling about how powerful faith can be to cover the sound of a fart he had been holding all morning. The combination of yelling and pushing was too much for John’s control system, and he exploded in his pants. Many said it was more than they have ever seen.

John blames the coffee.

“Look, I know you think all this is funny. It happens to people when they get older and it will happen to you. I had a little too much coffee, and the lord let me know in a way I will never forget.” Mcrobertson said. “I just hope this doesn’t taint the children.”

16 year old Sammy Soota said this was the best Sunday School class he had ever been to.

“My bud Roggie asked me to come, and I usually hate these things. My parents always get upset because they want me to believe something else, but whatever. I can’t even see this kind of crazy shit at school, let alone any other church on the planet.” Soota said. “You should have seen the look on this guys face. I mean, I thought he was kinda drunk to start out, and then he shits his pants and makes all kind of noise. He ran down the hall yelling and crying. Everyone came out of their classes to watch him. We got in trouble for laughing, but I think they are going to ask him not to come back to the church anyways…so I will continue to laugh, until it isn’t funny anymore.”

Church leaders fear this will cause a rise in “bathroom humor,” something the church has been working hard to eliminate the past few months.

“We had someone draw a penis in the bathroom.” Pastor Jog said. “So we launched a war against bathroom humor. It seemed to be gone for the most part, except for a few fart jokes here and there from the younger ones. After today though, I have a feeling we are going to be up against something powerful. I mean, the laughing was uncontrollable. And John with his screaming was just awful. I mean, who craps their pants in from of children in a church. He had to be wasted.”

Mcrobertson’s wife said she is reminded of their prime years back in college.

“We used to go to the bar all the time. This was before he became and addict and we had to start going to church.” Mrs. Mcrobertson said. “One time he spent like $100 on shots, all sugar shots made for getting girls who don’t drink drunk. He drank them all himself because I wasn’t drinking that night, and not even a few hours into the night he shits his pants. We had to leave right away, and it made my car stink. I guess thats how I knew I loved him, because I still wanted to be with him after he shit himself. I mean, sorta with him, not like touching him at that moment or anything.”

Will the children ever recover? Will the church be able to clean the stains out of the carpet? Will John ever find a church that will accept him and his occasional accidents? Only time will tell….

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