(satire disclaimer) The West Creek Elementary School has banned most forms of Mexican food including the “Exploding Motherload” burrito and “Omar’s Spicy Pepper Pouch” after an incident late yesterday morning involving an entire English class. According to preliminary reports, a male 3rd grade student went to fart on another students face “bare assed.” The victim suffered burns on 90% of his body, and later died at the hospital from extrema fart toxic shock. The doctor who tried to save the young student was also killed from a rare allergic reaction to extremely spicy peppers.

Before the ban burritos were delievered via plane

The classroom was evacuated and no one else was hurt except for a few minor noise injuries. The entire area including the playground has been closed to the public until cleaning operations can be completed. The President has declared this area a nation disaster, and is pushing an emergency bill for $600 million in aid, which is expected to pass later this afternoon.

Many believe the school is to blame. Last month’s School’s Illustrated, a magazine West Creek gets delivered to the front office, had a investigation on these super burritos, and warned schools about the danger.

“They should have known!” History teacher Mcfab said. “I mean, I knew about it and this is my first year teaching. Now students are going to be afraid of Mexican food which is ridiculous. Those big ass burritos are not Mexican food. The flurry of chemicals inside those things is what caused the problem. This school should have thrown them out a long time ago.”

Students are saying that it did smell really bad, but they are happy about the few days off.

“Stinky Stinky school day whew!” 1st grader Susan Wycliief said. “I wanna go McDonalds!”

The school is warning parents to monitor children that may have eaten one of the burritos, just to make sure nothing else bad happens. West Creek will be closed for the rest of the week, allowing friends of the dead to morn and those who ate burritos to pass them. Class is planned for Monday, and donations of air fresheners are greatly appreciated.

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