Actual people in real life reportedly lame.

(satire disclaimer) Myspace has become a popular phenomenon, but another trend is started to arise that is worrying normal everyday citizens just trying to build mutually beneficial relationships with actual cool people. People who are actually lame are looking really cool by spending countless hours working on their Myspace profiles, getting their pictures just right, and reading books on how to be cool on Myspace. This is confusing the “normals” and making for a hard time in their daily lives.

<- One Myspace user tries to use colorful paints to cover up his inner self.

“There are so many ways for people who are uncool to learn to be cool without actually having to put out any coolness.” Dr. Van Burg of the Department of Social Interaction at the CricketSoda Headquarters said yesterday in a press conference. “It can be really confusing when you see a new people on Myspace, with a really badass profile. Did they actually come up with all that themselves, indicating some coolness, or did they use some tool like The CricketSoda Myspace Editor?”

Internet citizens all over the world are in a state of outrage, unable to participate in their normal social routines because of the impact of this trend.

“I have had to hang out with all sorts of stupids since I started meeting people on that thing,” Brandon Booka said on the telephone. “Fats, stinks, flat sluts, shorts, and just plain weirdoes!”

The uncool people have even gotten slick with their pictures, making them attractive, badass, and otherwise cool. Certain angle shots can turn the 400 into a 120, and a A into a C. (I can even give myself a B if I wanted, and I am so a DUDE!) They are also using bright colors that look good together, cool music that they don’t listen to, and a rash of strange but sometimes funny quizzes that work great for marketing companies.

When asked what CricketSoda was going to do about this, their spokesperson had only a short statement.

“We love all people, and do our best to keep the freaks off our website using the latest anti freak software. We can’t help what Myspace does, and only work to make your experience on the internet better. Please stop worrying about them, we are working on a great weapon.”

The book markets have also seen a great spurt of growth this last quarter, with books like Ann Fieldier’s “You Suck at Life, But At Least you Have Myspace,” and with over 1 million copies sold, “Getting Dick on Myspace Even Though you Have Lard Rolls and Aids.”

Others speculate that the connectivity of Myspace is breeding a whole new generation of “cooler than average” citizens of earth. The average citizen of earth thinks this is bull, and rather stick to the old institution and believe that you are who you are. Myspace is a tool and have no effect on personality.

The future of this trend is uncertain, but now the internet is even more of a scary place. You never know if anything anyone says could be true, and uncool people could be behind everything you read.

CricketSoda.com is the bomb, coolest on the planet, and is the chirp heard around the universe! So visit it everyday if you want to meet really cool people all the time and have a bunch of people show up to your house for the party.