Beer, Bitches, And Sex is Already Causing a Stir

(satire disclaimer) The local college is now offering a new class in hopes that they will attract new students to the program. Recent complaints about the current curriculum and its importance to the lives of students have caused administrators to rethink their current catalog of classes. Hopefuls for the new class think it will change the school forever, and provide a new age of learning.

Most of the students seem to be happy about the development.

“Yeah I though about taking the class but it was full by the time I got around to it.” Roger Egert, a college senior, said. “I really like beer, and so I thought it would be great to expand my mind on the subject.

Some even went to extreme measures to try and secure a place in the coveted class.

“I told some guy that if he let me take his spot in the class, that when he took the class and they got to the sex part, I would help him study.” Cindy Micham, and Junior, said. “He really liked the idea but someone already offered him $100, so he took that instead.”

Of course not all students are so happy about the new class, and many worry that the class will just cause more problems than it will solve.

“I have a boyfriend for 5 years back in my hometown. The local junior college started some stupid class along the same lines as this one,” Laura Nomen a freshmen, said. “Sucking, Drinking, and Smoking was what it was called. Some guy who called himself snoop and wore some ugly big glasses taught the class. He had fake gold teeth and he made my boyfriend leave me for some stripper from Miami.”

In a press conference administrators tried to calm down the excitement.

“Everyone calm the fuck down.” Big Todd, The University President’s Secretary said. “Everything is going to be fine. The classes are full, and it is going to be a fab success this semester. Now, no questions, I have to take my nephew to the zoo.”

Parents of students attending the university seem to be okay with the class.

“I told my kid to take it because she really needs to know how to handle herself when she gets shitfaced.” Bob Parseei, a Parent, said. “I don’t want my little girl getting raped after she does a keg stand at the frat. I know how those frat guys can be, I used to be one!”

456 students will be taking the class this semester, and according to insider reports, five new sessions of the class will be added next year. The class drinks a total of 30 kegs during a semester, and each student brings a mug instead of a book to class. You also have to bring someone with big breasts to show and tell. If she shows, you get a 100. If you have to tell, you better give a good description.

		Save This Page