87% of homes in the United States with teenagers, don’t have enough fun time

(satire disclaimer) San Antonio, TX — Teen Fun Assurance Corporation has recently launched its “teen fun time assurance” business. This service provides teens with a chance to store, as well as securely share specific details about the lack of safety features in their parents homes before a party starts.

Teens are given access to an online database and then asked to fill out an online questionnaire. The questionnaire asks the teen to fill in information about specific fun time items such as the location of firearms, knives, alcohol, condoms, morning after pills, wipees, Kleenex, energy drinks, no-dose and other material. This information is sure to help ensure a fun time for the teens.

In a recent study, researchers found that 99.9% of teens feel that there’s a need for this type of information. “It’s about frickin time!”, said local teen Georgia Duran, “Every time I go to my friends place for a party when no grown ups are there they never know where any of the cool stuff is. Now I can finally concentrate on enjoying myself at these parties”, continued Georgia.

“It is widely known that one of the main reasons teens don’t share this information is due to a lack of assistance with getting the word out, we aim to fill that need” stated Teen Fun Assurance Corporation founder Anthony Stevens. “We can understand the concern some parents may have, but take it from us, we don’t give a shit” continued Mr. Stevens.

The Federal Bureau of Infestigation (FBI) states that in 2005, 14,549 teens were unable to gain access to important party materials such as guns, drugs and alcohol. They also state that 1,584,895 teens possessed such time sensitive information such as parent schedules and vacation dates but were unable to get this crucial info to their friends in time to have it positively affect the outcome of the party.

The database is designed to allow teens the ability to answer very important questions themselves by completing an on-line profile. The teens are then able to provide other teens access to this information by giving them a username and password that is created during the account setup. The information is strictly confidential and can only be accessed by individuals that the teen provides the access codes to.

Among the various other benefits provided by this company is the ability for teens to purchase “Party Insurance”, a form of coverage that pays for losses due to the insane activities encountered at teen parties such as carpet stains, furniture stains, general after-party cleaning as well as liability coverage for accidental injuries. “YES! I thank Jesus for the fine people at Teen Fun Assurance Corporation! I have waited my whole life for the ability to have fun the way I want to. This is a dream come true”, replied Amber Rosales when asked what she thought of this idea.

The main focus of the company is to create a free flowing information structure that allows unhindered fun and experimental behavior in teens.

Stevens says, “If our company helps just one teen to have the most fun of their life and not have to worry about consequence, our job has been well worth it.”