(satire disclaimer) A group of young and inspired frat daddies discovered a new element astounding scientists everywhere. According to reports from the Douglas District Community College the schools only frat house discovered a new element, to be named Dougmold, under a mat in the 1st floor bathroom. The discovery happened during a science scavenger hunt, in which frat members had to find things like “girls with thong, see thru pants,” and “used condom wrapper.” A Greg is responsible for the find.

“I went into the bathroom and it smelled kinda funny,” Greg said. “So I looked around to see what was up because you know how guys are, leaving food and stuff laying around. I pulled up the mat on a whem, and saw all this crazy stuff there.”

Greg told the other guys, and they called the College science Wiz, Mr. Wok to investigate.

“Sure guys, yeah…this is great, a new find.” Wok said. “What you have here is something rare indeed. Perhaps after you get a degree you will understand what this is, but until then, you have too much beer in your system. Get a job or something, stop trying so hard, because you will only fail, and failure is the worst thing in life.”

A new element?

“Yeah sure, a new element.” Wok said. “Why don’t you think of a name and post on the internet about it. I’m sure the science world will love you, and the flood of girls will be nice too!”

The news really excited the Frat House, and parties are planned all week.

“Hell yeah! Girls!” the boys shouted in unison. “We can name it something cool, like Dougmold, you know, after where we live!”

The pratical uses for Dougmold are still unknown, but Douglas Community College says they will continue to research the new element.