It helps me get ready for the WKD so WTF. GG, L8R.

(satire disclaimer) San Antonio, TX - A new type of toilet paper has been introduced in the San Antonio school system with the hopes of foiling teen pregnancy. “KidBGone” brand bathroom tissue is being placed in all San Antonio area school restrooms. According to company spokesman David Kent who refused to be named, “KidBGone” bathroom tissue contains a large amount of “dried spermicide” which is moisture activated.

Blowing your noise means something completely different now!

With almost 97% of San Antonio teens becoming pregnant, even the males, there is little argument that something needs to be done about this epidemic. Local clothing stores are having to hire more full time staff in order to re-stock shelves with teen maternity fashions. Stores like Wal-Mart are hosting “Abortion Drives” where Girl Scout cookies are sold with the proceeds going to area abortion clinics.

Local residents are largely happy that school districts are finally doing something. “It’s about damn time” said Wilson Hotaka. “I have 5 daughters and only one of them isn’t pregnant, and she’s 5 years old.”

We spoke with a San Antonio school principle who had this to say. “Anything that will keep these failed abortions from having more failed abortions…”. When reminded that he was being taped for a news broadcast he instead stated, “Oh, um, I meant our ultimate goal is excellent health of every student in San Antonio. We will continue to think outside the box when it comes to our kids.”

Using toilet tissue that contains spermicide might seem a bit unorthodox, but San Antonio girls seem open to the idea. One area teen told us, “DQMOT but IMO this is NBD. When I first heard about this I was like OMG! But now I’m like NP. It helps me get ready for the WKD so WTF. GG, L8R.”

At a strangely figurative $.69 per roll, all San Antonio schools should be able to afford this latest and greatest tool in the war on teen hormones.

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