Pillows now #78493 killer in North America

(satire disclaimer) Mansfield, TX - The scene yesterday at the worlds largest pillow fight turned sour when one of the contestants used a pillow filled with cue balls to earn an advantage. After six people ended up randomly dead in a bath of blood and feathers, the promotional pillow fight was raided by police and every pillow case was searched until the balls were found.

Other contestants seem to be more upset that the grand prize of free chicken fried steak from Grannys is no longer going to be given away, and a prize like this won’t be offered again until next years event.

“I’m just going to talk and you can cut it how you want it, if someone got hit with a pillowcase full of cue balls its their own fault,” Sally Mockingbird-Shoemaker said. “Wouldn’t you notice that it is all lumpy and ball like.”

Could this be a publicity stunt to spur the pillow case industry?

The sponsor, Pillowcases of America, said that this is the first time in years a pillow fight has turned bloody. They say that this will not have a big impact on their company or the industry. Their investor alert sent out right after the deaths hit the local news was named, “Even with the deaths, our attendance this year doubled.”

“Heh, Sally said balls,” Pillowcases of America Spokesperson Gregory Mcfluff said.

“Man, that Mcfluff guy is just trying to change the subject.” Mockingbird-Shoemaker said.

Planning for next year’s event in already underway. Scientists from the Event Protection Corporation of Panama are working on a device that detects goose feathers or softer, so that all pillows used next year will be regulation size, weight and fluff.

“Our new device will work much like a metal detector. As the contestants file in they will be required to throw their pillow through the detection machine, and all pillows that do not pass will be burned.” Head Scientist Albert Newton said. “We are very proud of our accomplishments.”

Coordinators for the event are worried that next years attendance will be hampered by people who are afraid of dying.

“We are optimistic,” Susan Surando said. “But only time will tell.”

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