Santa Claus, working under the corporate name Santa Inc., announced a complete outsourcing of his main Christmas functions to India-based Duhandi Retail Services. Calls to Santa’s North Pole headquarters on Monday were met with a voice mail message. (Actual voice mail recording)

Duhandi announced on Monday that Christmas toy development, scheduling systems integration, and product delivery for the North American sector of the Holiday season giant will be carried out at DRS’s all new offshore headquarters located in Bhopal.

According to Duhandi, the decision will “enable Santa Claus and his team to concentrate on public relations,” as Duhandi will handle all major functions for Santa including distribution, warehouse management, and all financial operations.

According to a high level elf who wished to remain anonymous, Santa had been debating this business move for some time. “After seeing many of his major competitors outsource, he began researching the option and found it to be extremely viable,” said the elf.

While Santa and his wife will remain living in their 500 acre estate at the North Pole, they will no longer perform any notable Christmas functions other than occasional public appearances according to Santa Inc. spokesman and part time elf, Danny Devito.

While specifics of the deal have been kept fairly secret, it has been rumored that Rudolph and the other reindeer will be donated to the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge in Alaska. There had been some speculation that the reindeer may be sold to the Kansas City Steak Company for processing into exclusive, high dollar wild game meat.

Duhandi is calling the deal a major milestone for outsourcing companies all over the world. “If Santa Claus is willing to outsource, many other high level businesses will recognize the benefits and outsource themselves,” continued Mr. Devito. He added that the new Bhopal facility will employ between 25 and 50 experienced child laborers.

Whether or not the eventual retirement will include Mrs. Claus is still yet to be seen. High level sources are reporting that another reason Santa is outsourcing his business is so he can focus more time and energy on a lover who lives at the South Pole. Apparently, old Saint Nick has been sneaking down to this unnamed woman’s home every Christmas.

With many of his elves closely approaching retirement age, Santa “can stop worrying” about what he will do every time an elf leaves the company according to friends of Claus.

To quell concerns that outsourcing will lead to inferior gift standards, before the deal is finalized, a special team of elves will train the child laborers in order to ensure product quality does not diminish.

		Save This Page