Then Realize It Was Probably a Cooking Utensil

(satire disclaimer) Venice, Italy - Scientists now believe an ancient tool found in Africa was actually a cooking utensil and not a “dildo”. The scientists first formed the impression that the elongated shaft shaped instrument was an ancient sex toy.

Jonathan and Sam Baxter, two brother scientists from Venice Italy found the odd looking object laying next to the mummified remains of a female most likely in her mid twenties. “The females toes were curled and she had a unique expression on her face when we found her.” Jonathan said of the young woman’s perfectly preserved body.

Scientists have long wondered whether or not ancient civilizations used sex toys. “This finding really emphasized the fact that more research is needed into the sex lives of ancient females.” said Sam. “We know that these people were very adaptive to their surroundings. There were very few men living in the regions where we found this woman and her item. Our initial findings made perfect sense given the circumstances.”

Scientists are now realizing that there findings might have been a bit presumptive. “It was long, thick, smooth and rounded at the tip, what were we supposed to think it was.” said Jonathan. Sam quickly added that the item also smelled like peaches and cream which was a common douche from around 700 B.C.

The pair is now in hot water as they had already published the findings in The American Archeology Society’s monthly newsletter before realizing that the item was most likely a large bowl mixer.

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