Sweetie,

I just wanted to let you know how much a appreciate everything you do for me, and today I promise to do everything a little extra special just to let you know I care.

I will let you be a little late with dinner even though YOU DO NOTHING ALL DAY!

I am going to open the door for you as you put all my laundry in the washing machine.

I got you some flowers and a vibrator, so if you don’t like the flowers you can go fuck yourself.

I will unplug the vacuum when you are done.

Don’t forget how lucky you are sweetie, because the secretary at work is looking pretty damn hot these days, and you are pretty plain.

Love Levi

So it is another single Valentines day and I can’t say I am upset. I’m not really in to mood to do a bunch of love stuff anyways, and I am sure that if I were to be tied up today would be a day of upset and heartache. Girlfriends never seem to really understand my apathy for such things sometimes.

I really might like the person, but when I give someone flowers or chocolate or any bullshit like that, I don’t feel anything. It doesn’t seem like I really made their life any better, and so why the hell does it matter if I do or don’t. I usually make up for it by things that are unconventional anyways, and if you don’t find the value in that then we are just not meant to be.

I don’t have much to say about being single on Valentines day, and the only real thought I have about the situation is a fantasy of a romance with Scarlett Johansson, which from what I remember, involves a lot of loving stares with very little talking but some strong connection be bonded with each smile.

I did though find a online letter generator and wasted my time making this:

Dear Gonorrhea Geyser,

By the time you read this, I’ll be maxing out your Visa. I’m sorry for doing this but, it fulfills my sadistic fantasies. I know this might comes as a bit of a surprise to you - especially because you’re such a materialistic self-absorbed bitch. But I’m sorry – I just need hot sex with someone who isn’t a human potato sack. I think you’re totally keen, but I don’t think we’re right for each other. First of all,we’re not compatible. You’re a Republican, and I’m vastly superior to you. You like long walks on the beach, you eat mayonnaise-based salads, and enjoy Aqua Velva, and I don’t like any of these things. Your favorite movie is Glitter, and your favorite band is Whitesnake. Do you even know what my favorite movie or band is? I once asked you what color my eyes are and you said “Round”. Anyway, I want to date everyone at your firm. But you know what? I still want to be stalked. We can totally file restraining orders . We had some good times, or so it looks on the videotape (even though I’m passed out) . But please, don’t get all John Wayne Gacy like last time. That means no botched suicide attempts. And look - I won’t even make an issue out of the you owe me, or the fact that you threw bleach on my face. So take care of yourself - and choke on your own vomit.

Peace Out,

Levi

P.S. I’ll love you forever. Call me next week..

Rouge Wave did release a cover of a Beatles song special just for Valentines day and offered it on their Myspace as a gift to their fans. (aww…how fucking sweet).

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And thats all I have. Happy Valentines day everyone, and enjoy the love and pink stuff.

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