(satire disclaimer) The West Creek Elementary School has banned most forms of Mexican food including the “Exploding Motherload” burrito and “Omar’s Spicy Pepper Pouch” after an incident late yesterday morning involving an entire English class. According to preliminary reports, a male 3rd grade student went to fart on another students face “bare assed.” The victim suffered burns on 90% of his body, and later died at the hospital from extrema fart toxic shock. The doctor who tried to save the young student was also killed from a rare allergic reaction to extremely spicy peppers. (more…)

West Creek Humane Society:

Bones is a 2-year-old Croatian Burmese/Persian mix. He’s an adorable little fellow who hates having his belly rubbed. He absolutely must live in a no-child home. He’s neutered, vaccinated, and on feline herpes treatment. He must have his lower jaw drained of pus every 5 minutes. He urinates from his eye sockets therefore a loving home is a must for this little guy! And don’t forget our 12th annual “Jaws for Paws” charity hot dog eating contest coming up Friday! (more…)