Because They Keep Getting Shot and Stuff

Terrorists from a cell in Fallujah are demanding better premiums on their health care. They claim that just because they are terrorists, they deserve the same coverage as the average citizen. Reports say that health insurance for Terrorist can cost up to 4000% more than a middle aged man living in the United States. Terrorist claim that shot wounds are treated cheaply, and they shouldn’t have to pay more because they don’t live as long.

Terrorist happy in China

Sow On insurance, the leading provider of health insurance to Terrorist says that the high premiums are due to the rising costs of opium coming from Afghanistan. Programs to replace the opium with hash plant have been very successful over the past few months, and have made the cost of opium almost double.

“We use the opium when we provide our healthcare. It is easy to get, and works well in our tent hospitals in the hills and desert.” Sean Reel, a Sow On insurance spokesperson from Atlanta, Georgia said. “This hash plant they are growing does nothing for our customers. Most of it doesn’t even get the customer high. You can only make clothes or something out of it. We are working though to fix the cost problems by starting small wars in Afghanistan to install opium czars.”

Terrorists say that since they put up with the harsh conditions and poor healthcare, they should get the lower price.

“We pretty much just get high on opium until we don’t notice that we are shot, or that our leg is gone, then they put us in a wood box and camel back us to our family.” Caleb Shoemen said. “I think that healthcare is getting better in our modern society, and a lot of my friends have been saved from horrible pain, but I can’t afford to pay my bill when it comes. How am I going to be saved from the pain?”

Shoemen was spotted later when his “doctor” had given him something for his head. He was running around with a gun singing “I could never be your woman.”

The US government responded to the problem saying, “An open market in Iraq will solve the problem on its own. Businesses will be punished by the consumer.”

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