I usually try to not do it, but today I decided to write my ex-girlfriend a message on Myspace. I don’t really have feelings for her anymore, even though our breakup was a dramatic fireworks show, but every now and then I like to write and see how my life would have been had I not screwed things up.

It’s actually a very pleasing experience for me. Turns out, it was all for the better anyways, and I would be miserable right about now had it all “worked out.” I find out more and more how we have nothing in common every time we exchange a message.

The message never got sent though, because I was so amazed by the ads showing up next to my Myspace message writing screen, I had to send the evidence over to my confidant and smart friend who we will call Mrs. Madden (for privacy sake because it isn’t easy being famous).

The first ad I was amazed at was for mate1.com. The ad read:

420 Friendly Dating Site
Meet Sexy Local Singles. Join Now Free! Only takes a minute.
www.mate1.com

First off, I did tell Myspace I was single. Not that they really needed to know but I figured anyone checking out my profile must be interested in me, so I wanted to make sure everyone knew, even though it blows ass, that I am single and loving it.

It was the 420 that caught my attention. I am slightly paranoid about that kind of stuff, and don’t make any reference to anything like that (except maybe for some of my friends WHO ARE GIVING ME AWAY!) on my Myspace page, and yet they know somehow.

420 Friendly Dating Site sounds a lot like that offer from the police department for a free boat. All I have to do is come down to the police station, and the free boat is waiting in the warrant processing office. They don’t really think I am going to go and sign up because I could meet my dream pothead girl (the police station boat) and enter all my details, home address, blah blah, sign here to say you smoke weed and will be put in jail. Thanks, but no thanks. DEA, you are blowing money up Fox News’ ass buying ads on Myspace.

Of course, I though I could be wrong, and just continued on my Myspace journey, until I read the next ad.

Getting Hot for some 420 Action
Meet hot single women that will come pick you up, take you to eat, pay for the bill, message your back, fuck your brains out, and then rub your feet until you go to sleep. Wake up in the morning to a hot breakfast, your fantasy can come true Levi Blackman
personalizefantasyforlevi.com

Whoa, now thats a little too personal from me, and Myspace has no security, privacy, or whatever settings that will ever make me feel safe sending anyone anything, especially when it involves my free food fantasy.

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