Strike Causes Derailment

The Local Railroad Commission is being accused of harsh treatment of train engines that led to a horrible derailing that killed 8000 cows last weekend. Three train engines are set to testify at a Commission hearing next week.

Cold wheels on a harsh track

According to The Train Engine United Union (TTEUU) three engines supposedly received very harsh treatment and neglect that included not changing the oil, not inspecting the wheels, and horrible slams from other train cars. TTEUU believes that this harsh treatment caused train #332 to jump off the track in a suicide attempt.

The farmer of the 8000 cows is hoping for compensation from the Local Railroad Commission, but has doubts because he only lost 8000 cows.

“I would like to replace them cows,” Farmer said. “But you know, it was only 8000 cows, and I still have quite a few cows, I doubt the Commission is going to waste any time with me. Cows aren’t really worth that much anymore, now we got all them vegans.”

One of the engines set to appear before the Commission has a grim story of neglect.

“The engine worked hard for the company,” Travis Russel, a spokesperson for the train engine said. “The engine just wants what he deserved. On April 3, 2005 the engine was victim of horrible neglect and abuse. A problem with the steam pressure caused a few pipes to burst leading to permanent scars. Warnings and complains from the engine fell on deaf ears. At one point the engine was making a loud hiss noise, but because the train didn’t tote passengers, the operators and company supervisors just let the train go on suffering.”

People on the street are worried that this event may lead to a train strike. Some even suspect a downfall of our current economic state.

“Without the trains how will we get food in our grocery stores!” concerned citizen Missy said at a public hearing. “My son loves trains, but what is he going to think when he sees all these trains laying around, not doing their jobs. Someone must do something!”

The trains themselves don’t seem to care, giving only a hissing noise to any questions about their opinion. Perhaps the mood is so hot lawyers have instructed them not to speak.

An inside source did tell us that the trains hate the tracks, and not the people, and the only demand they have is for smoother more wheel friendly tracks.

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