Bible Buddies are the Hip Cool New Thing

(satire disclaimer) When Roy and Samantha, two recent high school graduates aren’t working, they’re at home getting ‘closer to God,’ but not quite in the way that Trent originally intended.

Praise Jesus

“We’re Bible Buddies. A lot of Emo and hardcore scene teens around our age are doing it.” explained Samantha.

With the post-hardcore music, and straight edge (sXe) scenes locally expanding and almost struggling to keep its belly in the belt, many teens similar to Roy and Samantha have to step up their pure motives in the ways of neutral and peaceful revolt.

“It used to be easy. If you didn’t smoke you were straight-edge. You were clean and it meant something. Now all of the emos are seeking refuge in the hardcore scenes, and a lot more people go to church, so Samantha and I started this thing to keep up.” Roy said.

“It doesn’t mean anything really. We have fun. It feels good, but we’ve both made agreements with ourselves that no matter how much we do it, we aren’t really Christians, just sort of, you know?”

The trend is multiplying quickly as buddies across the country engage in platonic worship.

“They’re spreadin’ like rabbits. Reproducin’ like corn. Chuckin’ like chickens. There’s no doubt about that. They read the bible too, I think.” Local farmer Teddy Foxborough says.

How the popularity of the Bible Buddy System will continue is dictated by how much the scene fluctuates over the upcoming quarter.

Frankly, no one cares.