If the world were out to get you, I think they would have already.

Reaching the point of insanity that there is no turning back is something that can be both irritating and entertaining at the same time. Our former volunteer writer, who you will soon find out has reached said point, has requested that we remove her name from our website, and thusly will be called “Whoa Lanuh Chill Out,” for posterity’s sake.

Once a symbol of a vast communication network, now a haven for the crazy and unstable.

Whoa Lanuh Chill Out attended high school with some of the members of Cricketsoda’s editorial board. She was appalled by the fact Whitesnake was chosen to be the singers of her (and the members of the editorial board’s) senior song, because of the “moral decay” the video for “Here I Go Again” caused on our society. She even voted for, and avidly campaigned for Howard Dean. This is the type of person we’re dealing with here, and if I were to go further, it would be “too far,” as she would so deftly put it.

Once upon a long freaking time ago, we at Cricketsoda.com were so very excited that we had actually received over 1,000 hits that we wrote a column including the top things searched for in the month. Amongst the top 30 or so, we had learned that Whoa Lanuh Chill Out had searched for her name… repeatedly – and therefore we were compelled to point this hilarious fact to the homes of our finally “massive” audience.

Today, Whoa Lanuh Chill Out has called a grand total of 53 times. In phone calls mistakenly answered, we learned that Whoa Lanuh Chill Out wishes to pursue a professional career in the education industry and has decided that having her name on such a deviant website may be detrimental to her success. We removed all that she has written, but one word remains, and this word is keeping her awake at night. And she is hearing voices that make her see things that aren’t real. Make that 59 times. On two separate phones.

If you or your loved ones believe our website corrupts the lives of youth, thank you very much for believing in us…because one thing will remain, despite Whoa Lanuh Chill Out’s withdrawal from Cricketsoda.com: We will continue to strive on the misfortunate shortcomings of our mentally sullied volunteer writers. Look at Mark Garrison, for instance. When he finally cracks, we will be rich. And Whoa Lanuh Chill Out, please chill out, cause whoa man… you’re starting to freak us out. 72 phone calls in one afternoon is simply excessive, and since we probably won’t be speaking anymore, I’d like to thank you for caring.

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