Massive Breasts Prove to be Hot New Charity Trend

(satire disclaimer) Austin, TX - On Sunday, the Mothers of Adopted Midgets society (MAM) of Austin will host their 5th annual “Boobies for a Cause” barbecue and boob-off. This years festivities will be held at Bartholomew District Park and run from Noon-Midnight. The event allows the mothers of adopted midgets from all over the area to come and show everyone their amazing breasts, and raise money for charity too.

This year, the charity of choice is the new and controversial Drunk Drivers Against Mothers (DDAM). The MAM Society will donate one third of the entrance fee to this new charity. “We are just tickled pink to be involved with such a groundbreaking organization”, said MAM Society President Ashley Bryans.

Last years MAM event saw over 3000 spectators and raised more than $175,000 for the “Condoms are Worthless” foundation of North Texas. A huge barbecue will be prepared and served by the Austin VHS Cassette Lovers Club, while KVRX 91.7 Austin Radio keeps the crowd musically entertained all day long (hopefully preventing a scheduled riot). The profits from the barbecue will be split between the new DDAM group and the VHS Lovers Club.

“This will really help to get the word out about our new group and enable us to recruit even more mother hating drunk drivers.” said Drunk Drivers Against Mothers (DDAM) President Angela Guerra.

We asked Austin resident Mike Ratliff what he thought about this event and where the proceeds are going, “Hey man, there are going to be boobs there right? ……. Ok then; they could build a huge bed out of the stacks of money and invite my grandparents to make love on it for all I care, show me some tits!” answered Mike.

Many groups are scheduled to demonstrate against the DDAM group, one of which is the “Jesus’s Amazing Coalition of Kindness for Our Fantastic Friends (JACKOFF)” group of Fort Worth. “How could someone approve of this? How could the city allow this type of filth to hold an event at one of their parks? We will not stand idle while an offensive group pumps filth into this fine city.” said JACKOFF spokeswoman Beverly Weaver.

Drunk Drivers Against Mothers is a privately funded, recently formed, non-profit organization. DDAM is committed to ending the long standing and unnecessary whining, bitching, moaning and complaining by mothers and religious groups towards drunk drivers. DDAM feels that it is an inalienable human right to be drunk and enjoy a late night ride. They hope that this sponsored event will bring them even more recognition and funding as well as provide the community with a fun filled weekend day.

“It’s not up to some Jesus loving, TV watching, gray haired, prune juice drinking, denture mouth, fancy clothes wearing, no dance moves having, bingo playing group of old fogies to decide what is right and wrong. Drinking and driving is safer than being old and driving.” stated Angela. The group has already processed over 4,000,000 membership applications and looks to hire full time lobbyists within the next six months.

Jesus’s Amazing Coalition of Kindness for Our Fantastic Friends was founded in 1998 by a group of 7 Christian ministers to fight the influx of gang activity in Texas. JACKOFF is proud to have over 274,000 members all over the great State of Texas. When asked why the group chose a name with such an odd acronym, society spokeswoman Beverly Weaver told us that by the time they realized the situation, the business cards and letterhead for all 274,000 members had already arrived.

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