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Answers to Excuses for not Using Condoms
So whenever you get pressured, the right anwser will be in the way.

By: Mark Garrison

The Centers for Disease Control has recently asked me to assist them with their "safe sex initiative". Therefore, I hereby present "Answers To Your Partner's Excuses For Not Using Condoms". In a recent poll, less than half of men stated they use condoms everytime they have sex. These answers help cover many situations that your partner may bring up before intercourse.

EXCUSE	ANSWER
It does not feel as good with a condom.	I'll feel more relaxed, If I am more relaxed, I can pretend to enjoy it.
I don't stay hard when I put on a condom.	Erectile disfunction has nothing to do with my vagina.
I am afraid to ask him to use a condom. He'll think I don't trust him.	If you can't ask him, just let him do you in the booty.
I can't feel a thing when I wear a condom.	Maybe that way you'll last even longer and you won't be such a loser.
I don't have a condom with me.	That's ok. I have a Ziploc baggie from the weed we just smoked. That will work just fine.
It's up to me. It's my decision.	Yup, it's your penis. If you want it to fall off, that's your right.
You're on the pill, I don't need a condom.	I'd like to use it anyway. It will help to protect us from spreading the infections we may have received from those transsexual prostitutes we had group sex with.
It just isn't as sensitive and I can't feel a thing.	Small penises don't have many nerves. It's not your fault.
Putting it on interrupts everything!	Not if my mom helps us.
I guess you don't really love me.	Of course I don't, but this isn't even about love, is it?
I will pull out in time.	Women can get pregnant and get STDs from pre-ejaculate. Trust me, I've been down that road before.
But I love you.	Then just put that f*ing condom on and fk me already honey.
Just this once, but not again.	Then I guess you'll be masturbating for a while.
Don't you trust me?	Trust has nothing to do with it, I actually prefer making love to dildos. And that's basically all you will be, a breathing dildo.

These answers should help you with any situation that may arise when your partner doesn't want to use a condom. Be safe out there.

Sincerely,

CDC Spokesman Mark Garrison

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Published 10.04.2006

About the Author

Mark Garrison
Contributing Writer / God of Funny

Mark Garrison is both a loving husband, a devoted father, and a steadfast rebel when it comes to the word "both". Mark Garrison decided to become a writer so that he could inspire children to learn. At least that was his intention before starting to write about homicidal hippos, stinky strippers, and gay sock monkeys. His fiction has appeared or is forthcoming in Monkeybicycle, IGotNewsForYou, and other fine venues. He hopes to soon be a household name everywhere with the exception of Djibouti.

Check out Mark's MySpace Page

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